It has been such a nice day. We got to watch conference, well sort of. I've been sleeping a lot but we did get to watch it and it was so nice to be home with my boys and feel the spirit in our home. I watched a few videos from the #PrinceofPeace initiative the church is doing for Easter and all my emotions have come out about it. Watching 2 in particular; faith and compassion really got the tears flowing. I feel like it's hard to say how grateful I really am to have Cole in my life. I love being his mother and he brings so much joy into my life that I don't know why I ever forget and treat him unkindly. He is such a light and does little things to brighten each day. Just now, He and Chase have left for a walk. I watched as Chase got the stroller out of the car and double dutied by watching Cole like a hawk to make sure he didn't get into danger. Anyway once safely in the stroller I called down telling them to have a good time and that I love them. Cole took a minute to find me in the 3 story window but you know when he did. Our eyes locked, he smiled big and waved while saying "Hi, Mama." Then as they walked away he looked back as long as he good see me. Giggling and waving while he could. Such a tender moment to feel the love that my baby has for me. I love him so and I'm glad the love is mutual. Another sweet moment was during the 2 sessions when we decided to go on a drive to get Cole to fall asleep. Moscow's weather is not easy to love to say it nicely. So as we went out it began to snow. I was feeling depressed about it but as soon as Cole saw the snow he lit up and began to yell "Snow!" with giggles of excited in between. Then he began to sing our made up song "In the Snow". I am so lucky to have the boy I do and I need to remember that in moments of trial.
It's been a trying last few weeks with some serious separation anxiety, at least that's what I'm assuming. We had a lovely spring break in Boise with Hillary and her family. We got to get outside as it was a little warmer than what we've been getting here in Moscow. We went to the Zoo, clock tower, spent time with Livvy, went to the Mall, and really just enjoyed time spent with family away from the smallness of Moscow.
Cole LOVED the goats
Little readers
Cole fell asleep before 6 the day we got back despite our efforts to keep him up
Anyway getting back from spring break is when things have been hard and we've really been trying to get back to normal. It's been 2 weeks of a new change of schedule. It's not the worst thing but at moments it feels like it. The first few days were so hard! Cole used to be so easy to put down for bed. We'd do our routine and then lay him down while we sang a song, we would walk out, close the door and rarely heard a peep until morning. The new thing is that we have to stay in there until he's asleep and get out of the room without making the slightest sound. Our apartment is old so the floors are very creaky and of course Cole would wake up at the first creak, literally. He would sleep as long as we were in his room with him but when we weren't there he would cry. We tried to sleep train again and he cried for 2 1/2 hours before he fell asleep that first night. It was torture and I was praying so hard to know what he needed and what to do. A whole other process has been learning how to get answers to my prayers and apply the enabling power to the atonement. Anyway he fell asleep at my last moment of strength and that was a blessing from God. It was a trial to get him down but then every night between 3-4:30am he would wake up sad and we would have to do it all over again. Often Chase would fall asleep on Cole's floor. That was the first week but he has been a little better the last few days. Anyway remembering my love for him when I'm tired isn't the easiest thing to do. But honestly I'm learning to depend on myself a little bit more when I ask God for things. The first few days my prayers were to ask God to help Cole sleep. It has started to change to ask God to help me know what Cole needs so that he can sleep. I know this is something he has wanted me to learn. He's been in our room the last couple of nights since we've had visitors but we'll see what this next week has in store.
Other March happenings...
Chase had a birthday! We got to celebrate him in a very low key kind of way but it was nice. I love getting to stop for a minute and let reality and what is really important catch up to me. We've had our trials this month but we've also been able to learn and grow. As trials usually happen. I actually got sick with the flu or something last Friday and Chase was my knight in shining armor. It was another bitter sweet blessing that came to me. I laid in bed all day except for an hour or so when Chase left for class and I was out in the living room watching the new "Annie" with Cole. He did everything and I got to recover and sleep. I didn't realize how much he really does for me until I was down and out and saw how willing he was to do ANYTHING. I let him know how much I appreciated him and his service and he replied "I don't really know what I'm doing differently." Since then I can see how I get blinded a bit and forget to see how much he does for me and our family. He is a wonderful blessing and I'm grateful for who he is. So patient. Loving. Willing to serve. Always wants to try again to be better. Will do anything to make me feel loved. I'm very critical but being so sick last week let me forget about that and see what he really does for me and his family.
Too bad I can't see the blessing and lesson while I'm in the trial... Something to work on.
hurricane simulator
we have fun
no hat
Sam and Nicole were just here visiting for the weekend and that was a real treat! They drove a total of 22 hours to spend 48 hours with us! It was so nice and they were easy to host. Cole loved them and had fun throwing balls with uncle Sam. Moments like that make me feel so loved and help me forget my woes.
The other exciting March happening is we got to hear our baby's heartbeat! It's confirmed we are having a Halloween baby and she is healthy. Could be a he too but it's something! Chase starts his job Oct 16 which is 2 1/2 weeks before the due date which is right when Cole came. We feel confirmed about starting in Oct. We just need to keep positive and have faith that it will all work out. It is obviously the Lord's timing! We thought we were going to start in Aug or Sept so we got pregnant. Found out that we would be due in Oct and then a few days later found out we would be starting in Denver same month. It's not coincidence and I need to remember that and not waver.... it's scary though not going to lie. Chase is going to be in NY and I might go into labor!!! But maybe not. We have a few months to find out. :)
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