I got home and loved seeing my boys. Cole loved seeing me and did his silly dance for awhile just excited to see my face and then he hugged me and stayed close until he went to bed.
And Chase was so wonderful as well. He planned a date to watch Collateral Beauty, eat popcorn and our favorite half baked ben and jerry's. It was after we finished the ice cream and while we watched the movie our day was rocked a little.
About 9pm, while sitting there I felt like I had peed out of nowhere. I was super surprised so I stood up to go to the bathroom and felt more liquid gush from me. That's when it hit me it probably wasn't pee but blood. I get into the bathroom and sure enough my underwear was covered in blood and I continued to bleed in the toilet. Chase came in and had a moment of panic. He did grab me my phone and I called the nurse. She asked how much I had bled and if I was cramping. I told her I lost 1/4 cup of liquid downed blood. Its so hard to tell. She said it wasn't uncommon and to keep an eye on it and pay attention to pain or cramping. So I changed my bottoms and got in a blanket as I was shaking pretty bad I think from shock. Chase gave me a blessing and it was beautiful assuring that our pregnancy would go full term without any more surprises. So we cried together and felt some peace. I stood up to use the bathroom and another gush more than the first. It got all of the toilet completely soiled my bottoms and on the floor. Chase started grabbing our things to go to the ER. He was about to grab Cole when I called Came and asked her to come over to be here while Cole slept. Bless her heart she came over instantly and then we left. I tried to remain positive but also fearful. Entering the hospital Chase got me checked in and I used the bathroom yet again to pass more blood. We went into our room and just cried while we waiting for nurses and doctors. I thought I was having a miscarriage.
Our doctor came in told us his thoughts and then the process of the night. They would need to take blood and get a urine sample and then they would do an emergency ultra sound. It all took awhile. I peed and passed blood probably 6 or 7 more times while in that room. They got after me for peeing because I needed a full bladder for the ultra sound but I just felt like I was going to gush all over and needed to do what I needed to. Anyway the phlebotomist came and took some vials of blood. Got prepared to give me blood if we got to that point but luckily never did. Then our radiologist came in and grabbed me and wheeled me into the ultra sound room. She told us she wouldn't and couldn't tell us anything and that it would be the doctor to tell us the diagnosis. I laid there while she probed around looking for what was going on. Chase could see the monitor but I couldn't. So I laid there and hoped for the best. I saw Chase smile but didn't want to get my hopes up in case he didn't know what he was seeing. Finally the radiologist turned the monitor so I could see my baby's arms and legs moving. It was the most relieving thing to see that he/she was ok. Still I was concerned about all my bleeding. She told us it was a previa and the doctor would explain more. Heartbeat was 180 and still looked good.
We went back to our room and the doctor came in smiling and was happy to ask if we saw our baby. He said everything looked good but that I have a Placenta Previa which is when the placenta is covering the cervical opening. Its not a risk at this point but remaining unchanged could result in C-section as there would be no way for the baby to pass and to try would result in a huge amount of blood loss. So he assured us there is time. He said it is more common than not that this gets corrected on it's own and that the placenta will most likely grow it's way to the top of the uterus. He said it's really nothing to concern over at this time. He said any blood loss would't be harmful to me or the baby at this point which is amazing because I feel like I lost SO much blood last night. It may happen again several more times in this pregnancy which I hope it doesn't. But we were relieved to know all was well. I couldn't sleep much last night. I got up almost every hour and peed/bled. Finally at about 4 the bleeding stopped and I didn't get up again until close to 6. What a stressful night that turned out much better than it could have.
40% of pregnancies result in miscarriage those odds are stronger than my having a placenta previa. So we feel blessed that our baby is still alive and kicking and growing healthy. I'm supposed to take it easy the next while so I'm here and Chase took Cole to church. I plan to lay down as much as possible and let my body recover and heal.
We realized after last night the life is seriously so precious. Our sweet Cole came to us and he is healthy and growing well. It helps us put into perspective what really matters most.
Those initial moments sitting on the toilet while chase got my phone or gathered items to leave I had so many thoughts cross my mind. Maybe now isn't the right time,maybe it'll be better to move to Denver without a newborn, maybe I've been complaining too much about pregnancy, maybe there is something I need to learn through this trial, maybe everything will still be ok, chase's blessings have all said this will be a full term pregnancy, I just taught Cole the names we like, did I walk around too much today?, and then finally am I really having a miscarriage?! It was a relief to see those sweet little arms and legs move around and I feel so grateful and indebted. I have to be better about enjoying this sweet short time. It could all change in a moment and I don't want to have regrets.
12 weeks. I was complaining about the fact I'm already showing. Won't be doing that anymore.
My little sweet bug. He is our joy and we would be lost without his sweet spirit in our home.
I am so sorry you had to feel those conflicting and confusing feelings and fear for your baby!
ReplyDeleteI also had placenta previa and bled and thought I was miscarrying more than once with Reggie. I had those thoughts like "it would be easier to not have a baby" and then hating myself and sobbing at my selfish thoughts and worrying I was losing my baby into a toilet at church.
Luckily, the placenta moved and everything was okay. Here's to hoping yours keeping moving on up and to your strong little bebe!